Serious as a Heart Attack
by parasitic
Summary: He was sick and tired of the paranoia and the violence . . . If one more random person asked him if heart failure was contagious, he wished he'd just drop dead . . . Rated for violence and boys love. MelloMatt.


A/N: i started writing this when i was working on NAI, but i realized this was more original-universe rather than AU like RNP and NAI. i finished it up the other day. my Matt helped me with the plot and convinced me not to scrap it. this was in the midst of the swine flu fiasco, so some of the stuff that comes off as stupid is that way because (1) that's what was really happening at the time, and (2) it's an exaggeration of how silly people really _are_. i hope you enjoy it.

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Mello curled up in his bed. He wasn't asleep, but he was miserable. He was sick and tired of the paranoia and the violence, not just from himself, but from others. If one more random person asked him if heart failure was contagious, he wished he'd just drop dead so he wouldn't have to hear it when the person panicked about first-degree exposure, though the thought of hearing it was satisfying.

"Mello, what's wrong?" Matt asked as he approached the bed with a game in his hand. "Are you thinking you're sick, too?"

Mello rolled over and groaned. "As if I'd add to this stupid outbreak of _hypochondriasis!_ I've had enough of it!" Matt sat down and sympathetically - sarcastically - petted Mello's hair. Mello looked up at the stonefaced and begoggled man with a subtle yearning. "Matt, I just want to stay in. I want to stay here, at least for today.

"I know, Mells. Don't worry." Mello leaned his head on Matt's thigh while Matt rubbed his bare shoulder with a thumb.

"Like you care." Matt snorted with a contained giggle. "You're usually the one who wants to stay in." Matt nodded and started his game, using only one hand. "Do you have to play that now?" Mello grumbled.

Matt pulled his goggles up to look down at Mello, his blue eyes stunning and his hair pushed up under the band. "Staying in is your escapism, Mello," he said like it was a school lesson. "Since I stay in, games are my escape." Mello rolled his eyes. Matt saw this, but paid no mind.

"Yeah, yeah. Just that I'd like it if you spent a little time with me every now and then."

Matt replaced his goggles and went back to his game, staring down at it intently. "Not today," he answered brusquely.

"What?" Mello spat. "You mean I have to waste away here, thinking about all the stupid idiots who while their money away on hand sanitizer so they don't catch _heart failure?_"

"Yep."

Mello scoffed and turned away, crossing his arms and adopting a rueful expression. "Sometimes I wish you'd just drop dead."

"Mello, my arm hurts," Matt complained, his left hand starting to slow down on the buttons.

"Save it, asshole. Don't you dare tell me I can stay in, but I can't spend time with you."

"Ah!" Matt hissed, dropping his PSP to the table and dashing toward the kitchen. "Where's the aspirin?" he asked in a breath, shuffling hastily through a drawer.

"Right there, Matt."

Matt gasped, as though in pain. Mello glanced over and watched, transfixed, as his head leaned back and he clutched his chest. Then he fell forward, his head knocking quietly against the countertop, and he collapsed. The blonde jumped up and rushed to the other man, faster than he thought his legs could carry him.

"Matt!" He scooped a hand under the gamer's back and the other beneath his head, trying to pick him up from where he lay sprawled on the floor. "Matt, what happened? Oh, my God..."

Unexpectedly, Matt's eyelids raised behind the amber tint of his goggles, his eyes wide open, and he raised up to kiss the blonde quickly on the lips. "Gotcha!"

Mello's face contorted into a furious expression, and soon he was snarling down at Matt. "You little..." Matt jumped up and ran for it.

He'd made it to the bed before Mello caught up and threw a punch. It connected squarely with the side of his jaw. Matt flailed blindly, not intending to hurt Mello, just to subdue him, but Mello grabbed him first. Both his hands fisted firmly into his striped shirt, and he was pulled forcibly from the bed before being dragged to the door, half-upright. Mello held him with one hand while he opened the locks and then the door, and threw him out.

"Mell-" Matt protested, but he couldn't finish before the door was slammed in his face.

Matt moaned and complained for what felt like a lifetime, but was probably more like fifteen minutes, before he became bored. He realized with disappointment that he'd left his PSP on the table in the midst of his charade, and it was probably still there, wasting battery. Too bad. He pulled a Nintendo SP from his back pocket and flipped the power switch.

He played the same game, for unknown lengths of time, before boring himself of that, too. But he had nothing else. His stomach gurgled, and he realized with chagrin that he was starving. "Mello!" he moaned again, and knocked on the door. It wasn't opening. He kept playing. He felt like his stomach was digesting itself. He wondered vaguely if his SP was edible. He was bored with his games, as he'd already played through them each an average of five times. He bit down on the corner. Tasted like plastic. Shit. He pulled it away from his lips and saw with relief that there were no bite marks.

Finally, at long last, the door opened a crack. Its edge jabbed him in the soft flesh of his side. "Matt?" Mello's voice drifted down to him softly. He scooted away to give the door room to swing and looked up at the blonde. "I'm bored. Come back."

Didn't have to tell him twice. Matt stood and, shoulders hunched, shuffled quickly sideways between Mello and the doorway. Mello watched as he turned off his Nintendo SP, then his PSP, and then darted to the refrigerator. Mello shut and locked the door once again.

Matt retreated from the appliance with a sandwich wrapped in paper, and shut the door, arms still pulled close and his shoulders protectively tucked up to the tips of his hair. "Matt," said Mello, as he set the food on the table and unwrapped it. He lifted the sandwich toward his open mouth, and Mello slid in between to intercept a kiss. Matt reacted just as hungrily as he felt, and when the blonde pulled away, he immediately took a large bite, lettuce and alfalfa sprouts hanging from his lips. "Wow," Mello said in wonderment, "you're really starving." Matt just shrugged as he chewed, and took another bite. His stance became more relaxed as he ate.

It wasn't until he had only about five bites of his sandwich left that he noticed Mello's hands on him, stroking his shoulders, back, and arms. When he blushed and slowed his eating, Mello recognized it and moved his hands to the front of the brunette's torso, running along the muscles of his abdomen and up his chest. When Matt prodded the last enormous bite past his lips with a finger, Mello pressed himself against Matt, spooning to his back. "What?" Matt questioned dully.

Mello said matter-of-factly, "I told you I was bored."

"And this is how you relieve your boredom? By feeling me up?"

The blonde shrugged. "At least it'll waste a few minutes."

"A few minutes?" Matt exclaimed in surprise. "I feel insulted. I will make it waste at least an hour."

The other man smirked. "Be my guest."

Matt pulled Mello around to his front and began his very special brand of time-wasting with a kiss.


End file.
